The Heathen Guy (heathen_guy) wrote in bi_and_beyond,
The Heathen Guy


In the wake of irisdragonfly's comments elsewhere concerning the confusion that often surrounds the term "polyarmoury", I have my own short rant. Not about polyamoury, although that word is vague enough to warrant an exhaustive discussion of its own. No my gripe is about the term bisexual.

This has got to be one of the most useless words in the English vocabulary. Yeah, great, NSync tells us in code that they're "Bi, Bi, Bi", and maybe they are, but who isn't? Bisexual can mean anything these days. It can be a young lady with a husband and three children who has NEVER done anything intimate with another woman, but who thinks Willow Rosenberg (from "Buffy") is really kewl. It can be a man who really, really really prefers the company of women but just happened to let a guy blow him when they were both a little drunk back in '92, so he can't really be completely heterosexual. It can be the other guy who blew him, who feels no real passion for women but is ashamed to admit that he's turned on by a big hard cock. Once in a blue moon the word is applied to somebody who's actually attracted more or less equally to both sexes.

I don't believe there's anybody who isn't bisexual, the way the word is commonly used. I'm sure there are people in this group who can point out some man who is 100% heterosexual, who couldn't possibly get aroused by another man and doesn't even masturbate because unless it's a WOMAN'S hand it won't do anything for him. Let me clue you in on something, I've run into this same guy at the baths. And the bars. Years ago it used to surprise me, but I've wised up since then. A man who really has no interest in other men rarely feels a need to announce this to the world.

On the flip side, there are a heck of a lot of bisexuals out there who really aren't. If, all things being equal, you'd really rather get it on with the opposite sex, then you're heterosexual. It's great, absolutely great that you're open minded and aren't limiting your options, but essentially you're straight. And if the opposite sex doesn't do much for you, if you'd rather get it on with your own sex, you're homosexual. That's what the word means. It doesn't matter that you had the occasional fantasy or even if you act on the fantasy once in a while.

I'm not just speaking abstract theory here. In 1975 I was the poster boy for bisexuality. My primary partner was a woman (don't ask, big mistake) and people thought I was SO cool. I was held up as an example to straight men as to what a REAL man was like. It was such a farce. Yep, I was fucking women. I was 21 years old. I would have fucked cantaloupe if nothing else was available. I was not bisexual. But it wasn't until around 1978 that I finally dropped the pretense and admitted that, all things being equal, I'd really rather get it on with a guy. I've had a few women since then - women can be fun and a vagina can do wonderful things for my cock - but that was when I stopped using "bisexual" as a personal descriptive. It just didn't seem honest.

Anyway, this is supposed to be a place where we can discuss stuff like this and not worry about being politically correct, which I know I'm not. I know that it's more popular to sling the bi label around onto everyone and everything. But I think it's more crippling than uplifting. It impedes communication.
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